The Top Ten Ways to Ruin a Concert By Going Alone

Life before WannaBuddy was pretty tough. Here is a look back at the trials and tribulations of going to a concert without a buddy. We call it the top ten ways to ruin a concert by going alone:

1. Dancing. Regardless of what kind of music genre you like, it’s compulsory to dance like an idiot at concerts. For rock, there’s the head bang and mosh pit- who will have your back when you get sick of that thirteen year-old elbowing you in the sternum? Even something tamer, like bluegrass, involves a certain amount of foot tapping and chewing of straw that just doesn’t seem appropriate alone.

2. Food options. You can tell the popularity of a certain song by how long the food line is. When the “Side B”, experimental, or elevator music comes on, you will want to rush that corn dog tent along with hundreds of others. However, when alone, you will also face the dilemma of saving your primo spot in the crowd or tucking into sketchy meat on a stick. With a friend, you can play Angry Birds on your phone in the line knowing that your spot is safe.

3. Picking up dates. It’s common knowledge that concerts are the playground of recent divorcees, groupies, and singles sharing your obscure taste in music. But what happens when you have no wingman talking up your extensive, if not a tad obsolete, record collection? Who will distract the messy fake redhead so you can flirt with the chick in the “I Heart Sandman” shirt? 

4. Bathroom complications. Etiquette at concerts is questionable at best, but it is still considered unacceptable to carry your drink into the bathroom with you. Even though it’s the best substance in there, your Sprite is unwelcome and you need someone to hold it for you. Better not hand it to Hulk Hogan’s less attractive cousin on your left, or that kid compulsively thrashing his Bieber haircut around on your right.

5. Photo ops. Let’s pretend that you’re hanging out between sets at the T-Shirt booth, eyeing up the overpriced merchandise and complaining about the cell phone service. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Rock God of Choice/Jazz Deity/Acoustic Wonder. Who will quickly snap a pic of you pointing over your shoulder at the celeb? Self-timing a photo of yourself will not only take considerable skill at a time when you may not be too coordinated, it will also look creepy and desolate on your Facebook wall. 

6. Carpooling. The green movement (ahem, the recycling one, Burning Man vets) has spread to the music scene. The best way to look cool, save gas money, and enjoy some pre-show mix CD’s of greatest hits? Carpooling. 

7. Rock ballads. Speaking of greatest hits, it has become commonplace to screech out your band’s hit song along with them. You paid upwards of fifty bucks to do what you do in your bathroom mirror, accompanied by a band. You may as well share you Air Microphone with a friend. 

8. Clothing choices. For ladies, concert attire is often a battle between Scandalous, Dirty, and my personal favorite, Lawbreaking. If you go with a friend, you can rock those acid washed Daisy Dukes together. I’m sure Metro Police will enjoy your coordination, and you can always blame each other for the Caution-Tape-As-Shirt faux pas. 

9. Safety net. There’s a fine line between B.A fist pumping, and your fists in someone’s face landing you in jail. A friend will gently smack you out of whatever Rush-induced stupor you fall into, and hold your bag when the fight inevitably comes. Plus, what’s the good of being arrested without matching mug shots for the road?

10. Unadulterated joy. The bottom line of the matter: if you can’t find a single person who shares your taste in music, you probably should stop with the Psychedelic Sitars and listen to the radio. Concerts are a great bonding experience, a full workweek’s worth of inside jokes, and several pairs of beer-stained shoes to be had. Enjoying it with a friend can take your average head nodding to an overemotional air guitar solo recorded on your phone for posterity. Who doesn’t love an incriminating tagged photo and a night to remember? 

No comments:

Post a Comment